Jesus calls us to obey him. I want to understand him. Jesus calls us to trust him. I want to justify my actions when trusting him seems illogical.
When Jesus calls me to obey him, that command doesn’t come with fine print that reads ‘obey as long as you understand my command.’ His call to obedience is an all-out call to allegiance. Whether or not I understand his command isn’t even part of the equation. In my arrogance I let my pursuit of knowledge, my pursuit to understand things, hinder my willingness to obey.
Maybe I think that if I can understand something I can control it. If I can understand Jesus, or at least his command, I can control him. Brutally embarrassing to think about it, but if I’m honest that’s what’s going on.
If I ask my two-year old, Zoey, to obey me, I’m not assuming she’s going to understand my command. Her understanding of my command, her knowledge of the situation, isn’t a prerequisite for her obedience. I need her to trust me because I know what’s best for her. Hopefully it’s out of her trust in Dad that she obeys.
I have a hard time trusting Jesus like that. When he says ‘do this’ or ‘do that’ I find myself justifying why those are bad options. ‘Well Jesus, I don’t know if you’d completely thought through the implications of what you’re asking me to do.’ Essentially my response sounds like that. How arrogant!
Jesus calls me to obey him, and whether I heed the call or not depends on if I trust him. If my obedience is based in my understanding of him then I really don’t trust him. Out of my fear I need to understand so I can control the outcome. If I truly trust him that means I’m choosing to trust that he’s in control.
My Dad used to say that if I don’t trust Jesus it’s because I don’t believe he’s powerful enough to intervene or I don’t believe he’s good. I do believe he’s all-powerful, so my issue is that I don’t trust he’s good. If I truly believed he was good I would trust him without reservation. When I need to understand the situation before I will obey him I’m really declaring that I don’t trust that he’s good. I don’t trust that he’s got my best in mind.
Obedience is based in trust. I don’t love my wife because I know everything about her. I don’t understand all that she does; she’s a beautiful mystery! If my love for her were based on complete understanding of her it wouldn’t be love. If I love Jesus then I will trust him. If I need knowledge, if I need to control the situation, then I don’t trust him, I don’t love him.
Father, teach me to truly trust you. Teach me to love you as you love me.
